It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.
#wut #shina #adventure #sunflowers #love #stupidface #hawaii #oahu #yay
1. Who you are now is not who you will be in 10 years. It is okay to be somebody new 10 minutes from now. We are always learning. We are always growing. If you realized 10 seconds ago that you don’t like who you are, shed your skin, retry, replant yourself in good soil.
2. Cleaning is instant therapy. When your brain is muddy, take a shower, wash your hands, change your clothes. Spend 15 minutes straightening your living room. When you are angry, scrub things. I know it’s crazy but it works instantly.
3. Forgive someone’s debt if it’s under 50 dollars, forgive the small things, give a little time to yourself and forgive the big things too. Forgiveness isn’t about the other person, it’s about you. That being said - if someone ever hurts you in a way that would make me cry to know, you get out of there, my love. You just get up and go.
4. Gum karma is real and if you spit out a piece in public expect to find some on your shoe in the future. Same goes for insults and harsh judgement, too.
5. Do what you love and the money will follow.
6. Live your life with an open palm and give as much as you can and as often. At some point in your life, someone will lend you 50 bucks when you’re down on your luck. Remember how that feels. Remember to give that back.
7. Always wear clean underwear. You’ll thank me later.
8. There is a difference between being kind and being passive and there are those who cannot see that difference. They will try to walk all over you. Never bend your knees for those who do.
9. Have faith. Have faith in god or people or yourself or science or in luck or in all of the above. Faith is what keeps us going, faith is what keeps us strong.
10. Pay your bills on time whenever you can, although money is nothing. Remind yourself that.
11. Do not forget you were once ignorant of all you know now. Be patient of anyone who hasn’t had the education you have. Speak at the level of the person you are with - it’s not playing dumb, it’s being considerate. There’s no reason to make them feel uncomfortable. Plus then when someone starts going off about their superior IQ, you can cut them to pieces and watch their face when you do.
12. You are the best person in the room for one particular thing, and that’s confidence. You are the worst person in the room for another thing, and that’s humility. Use both carefully.
13. Never make fun of someone’s beliefs or superstitions, let your kid keep their imaginary friend and let your best buddy believe in knocking on wood. We all have security blankets. Don’t take away someone else’s.
14. Try to learn something new every day.
15. The worse you look, the more likely you are to run into someone you know so instead of feeling awkward, learn to be confident in sweats while talking to your friends.
16. Never go to bed angry, it will ruin your sleep and make tomorrow even harder. Find a way to relax. Don’t let today get to your head.
17. Think before you speak. When someone says something, mull over their words before answering. This is called listening, it is different than hearing.
18. What keeps love beautiful is that there’s risk involved. If he breaks your heart and it doesn’t hurt, it wasn’t love in the first place.
19. Never let someone else determine who you are or how happy. You are too strong to be torn apart.
20. I love you, even when we are fighting, even when I am fast asleep. Don’t doubt it for an instant. You are my everything.
Gyukaku fun times. #dinner #gyukaku #funtimes #hawaii #shinaandmichael
This is what I’ve been working on for the last few days. Signage for the wedding! :) Handpainted and hand lettered. I love the metallic gold paint! #diy #diywedding #weddingcrafts #wedding #happilyeverafter #love #floral #flowers #handpainted #handcrafted #gold #cececaldwellpaint #shinaandmichael
Made a few more signs for our wedding day. It’s coming up so soon! #michaelandshina #love #diy #diybride #diywedding #wedding #weddingcrafts #handcrafted #handpainted #sign #pink #gold #handlettered #instagram #love
My sunflower and plantation iced tea. It’s a good Saturday! #love #hawaii #sunflowers #oahu #funtimes #adventure #yay
Sunflower love #sunflowers #flower #pretty #funtimes #shinaandmichael #hawaii #oahu #yay #love
Late post from last nights dessert at buca. We ate all of the ginormous sundae. #icecream #brownies #giant #sundae #bucadibeppo #yum
What a cutie! #cutie #mustache #tape #justcause #lols
Anchors and stripes! Yay love them! Thanks @mchlldvs :)
#nautical #blue #stripes #anchors #nails #gel #ocean #sea #sail